


fruits and flowers - renhyuck

by sunshyuck



Series: fruits and flowers [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Depression, Dermatillomania, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I will, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Light Angst, Lowercase, M/M, i will make y’all realise that hyuckjun is a good ship, implied/referenced eating disorder, lapslock, not super sad, this is just sad and gay idk what to tell you!, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 01:02:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15808143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshyuck/pseuds/sunshyuck
Summary: renjun smells like lemons and lavender and carries himself as if he’s made of glass and donghyuck wants to know the answers.





	1. lemons and lavender

**Author's Note:**

> this was really written for myself but i hope someone gets something out of it.
> 
> again... trigger warnings for self harm and disordered eating!!

he always smelled like lavender and lemon.

 

that was the first thing he noticed about him.

 

donghyuck remembers it clearly. their first lesson together, first day of their third year in high school. psychology.

 

he came into the classroom late, all messed up brown hair and soft eyes. the teacher directed him towards his seat, saying that he wouldn’t get off so lightly next time. the boy smiled and apologised, making his way to donghyuck’s desk.

 

as he swept by hyuck noticed his gentle aura that made him seem somewhat frail and the overly strong smell of lemons and lavender that came with it.

 

he sat down, all quiet sighs and delicate movements; carefully taking out his notebook and pencil case and laying them out on their desk.

 

while he’s selecting a pen and absentmindedly pulling his sleeves over his knuckles, the teacher takes the register and hyuck learns the mystery boy’s name to be renjun.

 

and so the first lesson passed between them in silence.

 

-

 

over the first few weeks they began to talk about class and, eventually, more personal topics such as hobbies, friends and weekend plans.

 

basically, it was unbearably polite and stiff.

 

small talk was one of donghyuck‘s least favourite things in the world and keeping it up four times a week was painstaking.

 

gradually, he began to drop in deeper conversation topics, sometimes pertaining to psychology and sometimes not.

 

their conversations always seemed somewhat one sided from donghyuck’s perspective, with renjun always answering with the bare minimum but still keeping up the nods and smiles.

 

he decided it was still better that way than the awkward silence that settled in the air otherwise.

 

and, despite this, hyuck couldn’t deny that there was something calming and comforting about his mere presence.

 

he decided he might quite like it.

 

-

 

after a couple of months, they began to hang out in the library to study together and in the canteen for lunch.

 

this allowed donghyuck to see a more intimate and personal side of renjun and, slowly, he learned more and more about the soft mannered boy.

 

he learned that renjun almost lived off of grapes and apples and cheese and crackers.

 

he learned that he liked to play guitar in his free time, to write songs to go with it.

 

he learned that he always dressed the same, or similarly at least. always an oversized jumper or button up shirt (or sometimes both) and light grey or pitch black jeans.

 

“are you always cold?” donghyuck asked suddenly one afternoon.

 

renjun stops for a second and looks at himself, “oh, no, i’m just more comfortable this way.”

 

“but you’re always pulling your sleeves over your hands.”

 

he laughs breathily and shrugs, “that’s just a habit. my mother says i’ve always done it? no, i think i’ve just acclimatised to always dressing warmly and so it doesn’t bother me now.”

 

donghyuck hums in thought and turns back to his work.

 

-

 

and one day when renjun seemed somehow more fragile than usual, donghyuck spoke up.

 

“are you alright?”

 

renjun startles, “oh, yeah i’m fine. why?”

 

“you seem impossibly more.... breakable today.”

 

he blinks, “do i normally seem breakable?”

 

“well, yeah.”

 

“oh.”

 

renjun stands up to reach for a book a couple shelves above their table; with donghyuck studying him rather than their notes.

 

it’s then that renjun’s sleeve slips and so does hyuck’s heart.

 

without realising, he’s reached up to capture renjun’s wrist in his hand and then everything slows down and, oh, renjun is very close and, oh, his eyes are shaking and, oh, what is he doing?

 

he snaps out of his trance to drag renjun’s arm down and lift his sleeve up to his elbow and the first thing donghyuck notices is the prominent bone sticking out on his wrist and how easily his hand wraps around it.

 

the second thing he notices are the scattered marks across his arm; some bruises, some small scabs and some lines that look suspiciously-

 

renjun slowly retrieves his own arm from hyuck’s grasp and looks away, sitting back down to put his things in his bag.

 

“renjun.”

 

“i don’t want to talk.”

 

and hyuck is taken aback because renjun’s voice has never sounded so harsh and cold and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t hurt him some.

 

“renjun...”

 

“i said no.”

 

he ignores him, “talk to me.” and then he lowers his tone to a barely audible whisper, his voice cracking, “please don’t run.”

 

renjun’s head snaps up meet donghyuck’s eyes and suddenly tears are running out of his eyes. and he’s standing up to look the other in the eye.

 

“i’m sorry. i didn’t want to hurt you.”

 

hyuck pulls his small frame into a hug and renjun yelps a little but hyuck doesn’t care.

 

he smells like lavender and lemon and hyuck breathes it in from his parma violet sweater and caramel skin and swears he could get hypnotised from it.

 

“tell me.”

 

renjun sniffles into his neck and he can feel the damp but hyuck doesn’t care because he knows he’s not the one hurting here.

 

“who’s hurting you?”

 

renjun doesn’t answer for a while, choosing his words as carefully as he does for everything else.

 

“...myself.”

 

and hyuck holds him tighter because even though he knew the answer, it hurts more hearing it.

 

“...and why are you stick thin?”

 

“...because i don’t eat as much as i probably should.”

 

they collapse to the floor on their knees, still holding each other tightly.

 

“and that’s why you always dress the same. it hides your marks and your size.”

 

renjun just whimpers into his shoulder but hyuck doesn’t need an answer because it wasn’t a question.

 

they stay that way for anywhere between five minutes and forever; renjun fragmenting apart in hyuck’s arms and hyuck holding renjun together as he did so.

 

when they eventually peel apart, hyuck’s right shoulder is soaked along with renjun’s face and the cracked boy has the audacity to apologise for it.

 

“stop apologising. you’re allowed to feel.”

 

hyuck keeps looking at renjun’s face as he stares at the floor that he realises they’re still sat on. renjun eventually looks up to meet his gaze and donghyuck swears his heart flips.

 

having the poor, broken boy in front of him just made him want to hold him forever, to protect him from himself and the world, no matter the cost.

 

he reaches out with his right hand to hold renjun’s face in his hand and swipe his tears away with his thumb.

 

renjun relaxes into his hand, closing his eyes and hyuck’s face heats up as his heart speeds up and he’s suddenly overcome with affection for the older.

 

he doesn’t mean to lean forward and kiss him, but it happens so fast that hyuck has no idea what he’s doing but somehow he doesn’t regret it.

 

and renjun reciprocates, so he knows he doesn’t either.

 

they break apart but hyuck keeps his face close to renjun’s.

 

“hey... can i ask you two more questions?”

 

“sure.” renjun breathes.

 

“one. why do you always smell like lavender and lemon?”

 

renjun giggles and hyuck feels his heart and stomach become one organ.

 

“my body wash is lavender and i use citronella oil for anxiety.”

 

and it wasn’t what donghyuck had expected but somehow it makes his feelings grow even further because _that’s so damn cute and loveable._

 

“and two...”

 

renjun looks into hyuck’s eyes again, aware that his gaze had wondered around the face of the angel in front of him.

 

he exhales gently, “would you be my boyfriend?”

 

 

 


	2. strawberries and sunflowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> donghyuck feels like strawberries and sunflowers and somehow glows like an angel and renjun wants to know the answers.

 

he always felt like strawberries and sunflowers.

 

that was the first thing he noticed about him.

 

renjun remembers it well. their first lesson together on the first day back to school. psychology.

 

he was late to class that day. he had rushed through the door in a very ungraceful and messy style, and the teacher had been nice enough to let him off since it was his first day.

 

his seat was next to the softest, most beautiful boy he’d ever seen.

 

he went and sat at his desk, their desk, and pulled out the supplies he needed for the lesson, perhaps carefully looking at the angel next to him from time totime.

 

the teacher called the register and renjun learned that his deskmate was called donghyuck.

 

donghyuck had yet to say or do anything but renjun already knew that he liked him. he had an aura that felt strongly of strawberries and sunflowers; sweet and bright.

 

neither of them said anything that lesson since renjun hadn’t known how to approach his deskmate; being somewhat shy, and all. but it wasn’t particularly uncomfortable.

 

he was comforting by nature.

 

-

 

weeks passed and gradually he had begun to make conversation, for which renjun was grateful. they were never particularly involving, but he enjoyed learning about the glowing person next to him.

 

he tended to listen more than talk; wanting to know and absorb all the information he could about donghyuck.

 

during the times when renjun spoke more, hyuck would listen as if his life depended upon it; as if he were relishing in the rare experience of renjun sharing parts of his life.

 

-

 

as time progressed, they began to spend more time with one another; studying in the library or eating lunch together.

 

their conversations got more and more interesting, and renjun got to learn lots of miscellaneous facts about donghyuck.

 

he learned that his nickname was haechan, and renjun felt that he’d never heard something so fitting in his life. full sun. that’s what the boy was.

 

he learned that whenever he ate with a fork or spoon, he’d always stick his little finger out and renjun found this to be a cute little habit.

 

he learned that he was very observant, and would notice such small details about renjun and their environment.

 

on the odd occasion, hyuck would question him on something that he’d have to semi-lie about. even though he never said anything, renjun was sure he knew he was lying from his responses. but he never pushed the subject, and renjun was grateful for that.

 

the more time he spent with donghyuck, the more he felt his influence on him.

 

full sun, truly. the boy was positive, cheery, bright, kind, sweet. everything renjun wasn’t. everything renjun wanted to be.

 

and with haechan around, he found himself feeling more positive than usual. he was rubbing off on him.

 

renjun couldn’t bring himself to mind.

 

he quite liked it.

 

-

 

sometimes though, renjun cursed hyuck’s naturally perceptive nature. if he were one degree off-kilter one day, he would know instantly. it made hiding his feelings hard.

 

one day in particular, they were in the library. they were supposed to be studying but renjun was more interested in learning the boy next to him, stealing glances frequently.

 

renjun had had a bad night the day before; causing him to give in to some of his less desirable habits. naturally, that affected him the next day. naturally, donghyuck picked up on it and confronted him about it.

 

“are you alright?”

 

renjun startles and stops staring, “oh, yeah i’m fine. why?”

 

“you seem impossibly more.... breakable today.”

 

he blinks, taken aback, “do i normally seem breakable?”

 

“well, yeah.”

 

“oh.”

 

renjun brushes him off, hoping he won’t push the subject like he usually wouldn’t. he stands to get a different book from the shelf, reaching up and-

 

suddenly hyuck has his wrist caught in a tight hold and renjun won’t admit the true reason his heart is pounding just yet.

 

they’re close, too close, and they stare at each other in shock for a couple of seconds before they both look away, blushing. renjun hopes he didn’t see thenervousness in his eyes.

 

donghyuck lowers his arm and raises his sleeve and renjun studies his face for signs of disgust, or hate, or shock, or pain-

 

renjun slowly retrieves his own arm from hyuck’s grasp and looks away, sitting back down to put his things in his bag. he chews his lip with worry.

 

“renjun.”

 

“i don’t want to talk.” renjun is aware that it comes out too harsh and cold, but he’s trying to protect him.

 

he briefly wonders if his tone hurt hyuck in any way and, oh god, he hopes it didn’t.

 

“renjun...”

 

“i said no.” _sorry hyuck._

 

hyuck ignores him, “talk to me.” and then he lowers his tone to a barely audible whisper, his voice cracking, sounding pained “please don’t run.”

 

renjun snaps his head up meet donghyuck’s gaze and suddenly tears are falling out of his eyes. and he’s standing up and moving forward to look the other in the eye.

 

“i’m sorry. i didn’t want to hurt you.”

 

hyuck pulls him into a hug and renjun yelps a little in shock but hyuck just holds him tighter and renjun would be lying if he said he didn’t want it.

 

tears run down his face as he buries it further into the crook of his sun’s neck and renjun can feel himself becoming encompassed in his aura of strawberries and sunflowers and it’s soothing and calm and renjun has never cried so much.

 

he never wanted to drag people into his own troubles, never wanted to make them worry for him. always did his all to hide his feelings, always presented his best self.

 

he cries for himself, he cries for donghyuck, he cries for anything and everything that comes to mind.

 

“tell me.”

 

renjun sniffles into donghyuck’s shoulder and briefly feels bad for staining him with his tears.

 

“who’s hurting you?”

 

renjun doesn’t answer for a while, summoning up the courage to say something he’s never said out loud, let alone to someone else.

 

hyuck must really be special. full sun.

 

“...myself.”

 

and he holds renjun tighter as if he knows how much it’s breaking him to admit these things; both to himself and to someone else.

 

“...and why are you stick thin?”

 

“...because i don’t eat as much as i probably should.”

 

renjun’s knees buckle and they fall to the floor, but hyuck keeps holding him and he holds on back as if he’d fall apart of he weren’t holding him together.

 

“and that’s why you always dress the same. it hides your marks and your size.”

 

renjun just whimpers into his shoulder but hyuck doesn’t push for an answer.

 

hyuck simply holds him for who knows how long. it wasn’t long enough, in renjun’s opinion. forever wouldn’t be long enough. he could swear he felt a few tears on his own shoulder, but wouldn’t bring it up.

 

when they eventually peel apart, hyuck’s right shoulder is soaked along with renjun’s face and he apologises for causing him trouble

 

“stop apologising. you’re allowed to feel.”

 

renjun just stares at the floor, not daring to look up just yet for his heart is doing somersaults in his chest. _he’s definitely special,_ he decides.

 

when renjun finally reconnects his eyes with donghyuck’s, his chest hurts again but this time it’s the bad kind of hurt.

 

hyuck gives him a look full of pity and sadness and pain. but also... resolve and hope.

 

he didn’t ever want to see such an overcast look on the face of his sun ever again.

 

donghyuck reaches out with his right hand to cup renjun’s face and swipe his tears away with his thumb.

 

renjun relaxes into his palm, closing his eyes and trying to calm his racing heart and rapidly heating face.

 

when hyuck suddenly kisses him he’s surprised, but not the bad kind.

 

renjun reciprocates, all messy thoughts and pulsing veins.

 

when they break apart, hyuck keeps his face close to renjun’s.

 

“hey... can i ask you two more questions?”

 

“sure.” renjun replies, breathless.

 

“one. why do you always smell like lavender and lemon?”

 

renjun giggles. such a typical donghyuck question.

 

“my body wash is lavender and i use citronella oil for anxiety.”

 

it doesn’t look like what donghyuck had expected but the look on his face isn’t the bad kind and his eyes are full of affection. his lips curl into a smile and renjun suddenly realised he wouldn’t mind kissing him again-

 

“and two...”

 

renjun looks into hyuck’s eyes again, catching himself admiring the angel before him.

 

his sun exhales gently, “would you be my boyfriend?”

 

renjun’s world stops, his mind speeds up and he feels himself grow ever hotter by the second.

 

“only if you answer my questions.”

 

hyuck scans his face for any discomfort, but nods and agrees.

 

“why... do you feel like strawberries and sunflowers? sweet and bright, bringing happiness wherever you are. why are you so comforting? so warm? why...” renjun breathes out slowly, “why are you the literal embodiment of the sun?”

 

“... how do I answer that? oh, my shampoo is strawberry scented? is that it? um...”

 

renjun shuts him up with another kiss.

 

“it’s alright. one more thing. I’ll be your boyfriend... but only if you’ll be mine?”

 

“I think I can manage that, for you.” his sun laughs, kissing his nose.

 

“good.”


End file.
